Wanted by the FBI

In front of me is a contract with the FBI Agency in Leeds. The contract ties me to the agency for 12 months and grants them 20% of anything I earn as a result of Extras work obtained through the agency. I am looking at the contract and wondering how on earth in the space of one month has life moved from the regular routine of the average office-goer to that of someone who is sending in this month's availability for appearances on Emmerdale Farm and the like.

Arriving at the 'city centre studio' in Leeds yesterday afternoon the prospects did not look good. The studio was housed in what had once been a 1960's concrete block of flats. Within a few years these structures became unsuitable for human habitation. Most of them were demolished but clearly some have been given a new life, in this case on the edge of an industrial site not far from the city centre.

Keen to make a good impression I was there in good time. From my brief phone call with Jay, the chap in charge, I had understood that I would be one of several people being interviewed. Waiting in the car I saw others arrive. A girl got out of the car next to mine. She was about the age of my daughter - 19. As she put the final touches to her make-up and brushed her long blonde hair I couldn't help but notice how attractive and well dressed she was. Then more like her arrived and I began to fill with an awful dread that there had been some sort of misunderstanding.

I left Blondie combing her golden locks and made my way to the entrance to the concrete monster. With a sharp buzz the door opened and I stepped inside.

Studio 19 was on the first floor and I was warmly greeted by the aforementioned Jay and shown to a film viewing room. More models. The young man sat opposite me flexing his sizeable biceps looked like a youthful Matt Le Blanc from Friends. The chap sat next to me was nearer my age and exuded confidence as he casually toyed with the show reel he had brought along. He then broke the ice by regaling us with an anecdote about how he had once filmed a scene at a sex club, while dressed in an bondage costume.

More models trooped in and the average age of those in the room settled down to 23. No prizes for guessing who the oldest was.

Far from being unnerved by my situation, a huge inward smile began to break out. This was all so weird and I was so far out of my comfort zone that it took on the thrill of a rollercoaster ride. I knew that whatever happened next it was going to be interesting.

What did happen next was Jay striding in at the appointed time and congratulating us on passing the first test - being there promptly. He then launched into an entertaining, yet I suspect oft repeated spiel about his experience in TV and film and the machinations of his agency. Apparently, the studios had once been owned by Yorkshire TV and the viewing room in which we sat had been built for David Jason and Catherine Zeta-Jones to view the day's filming of The Darling Buds of May - Perfick! Carried by Jay's smooth rhetoric I allowed myself to glide out of reality and into the land of make-believe. It seems like a nice place.

Other than think of a response to being asked why I want to be an Extra I hadn't prepared for the 'interview'. As Jay spoke I had the sudden notion that we would all be required to stand up and say something about ourselves. What could I say that would compete with the bondage bloke? Perhaps a few words about the time I appeared in a TV game show with Tim Brooke Taylor and Graeme Garden? Not the most exciting anecdote as I got knocked out in the second round, although I managed to squeeze a hundred quid out of Tim.

But no. The session ended with Q & As and I managed a couple of sensible ones to make sure Jay remembered me. Then I took my bundle of forms and made my way back to the real world.

I have no idea whether FBI will offer me any work but I do know that I probably have more chance than all those prettier and younger than me as we are not competing against each other. They can squabble over the parts for 'stunning model at hair salon', whilst I am perfect for 'miserable old sod in pub'.

What I do know is one month since I left work I am very happy. For the past 30 years I've done something I haven't always enjoyed because it put a roof over our heads and gave me and mine security. I've always considered that the most rewarding work must be the sort you would do for nothing and yet somebody actually pays you for it. I love writing and acting and if I can earn just one pound doing either of those things it will be worth more than a thousand times that much to me.

Keep an eye out for miserable old sods on Emmerdale - you never know...

Live long and prosper.