Wainwright Challenge

The bird who flies highest, sees farthest.

Richard Bach, Jonathan Livingston Seagull

I have set Wainwright a new challenge - to have his photograph taken with a 'celebrity'. And I have a cunning plan as to how I can achieve this, have some fun and maybe even earn a little cash for my travels whilst doing so.

My plan involves that stalwart of the TV schedules, the game show. But how do you get onto one?

The most lucrative and potentially life changing game show on British TV is Who Wants to be a Millionaire? Since the various scandals over premium line phone-ins to access game shows it is now possible to audition for Millionaire, well in theory at least. Auditions are not very plentiful and so dialling a premium rate number is still the most straightforward method of entry. It has been estimated that about £2,000 in phone calls will secure you a place in the next round. Making the call is like playing the game - you have to select a correct answer from four possibles. Do that and you may then get a call back and be asked a further question - those who provide the nearest correct answer get to go on the show. Then all you have to do is be the fastest finger and get into the hot seat opposite Chris Tarrant. All in all then, not the easiest of quiz shows to get on.

The next target is Deal or No Deal. I have always been put off applying for this show as it gives the impression that you can be on it for weeks on end before actually stepping up to the hot seat. Even if they film 4 episodes a day there must be some overnight stays involved, maybe even a month's worth. How do working people manage it without taking a career break? Getting onto the show is by audition and these appear quite rarely. Again, a rewarding show, but difficult to get on.

How about Golden Balls? This is a great show to appear in if you are a liar, a cheat, have no scruples and are self-centred and greedy. Decent people are at a disadvantage. The crux comes in the show finale when the two remaining contestants have to decide whether to Steal or Share. I'll leave you to figure it out, but logically the only smart move is to Steal. But can you rob the person sat opposite you who claims to need to money to give their poor, sick children their only decent holiday in years? If I went on there I'd probably end up giving the other contestants my own money because I felt sorry for them. Definitely a show for hard hearted swines only.

Which brings me to the perennial favourite, Weakest Link. On the down side the prizes will not change your life. The highest prize won on the show was £5420 and the lowest £750. But on the up side the show gets through 45 contestants a week so the odds of getting on it are better than most.

Auditioning for the show is a fun experience, that combines a couple of rounds of the game itself (sans Anne), a brief interview and a piece to camera. I know because I did just that about 4 years ago. My audition was successful but then I was put into the pool of potential contestants and I never received the call.

But this time it will be different. Yes, I have taken the plunge once more and applied to come face to face with Anne Robinson. I have yet to see a middle aged gapper with a Hull City garden gnome on the show so I rate my chances of success as very good. Then it's just a small matter of persuading Annie to pose for the coveted photo with Wainwright. Easy peasy!

Live long and prosper.