In Training

I am officially in training - for The Weakest Link.

The letter arrived a few days ago from BCC Scotland to say that my audition had been successful and I am now on the shortlist. Having been shortlisted for the show about 5 years ago I know all too well that there is no guarantee of appearing. It is down to the producers now to create what they consider to be the best mix of people for the shows. Having put my occupation as 'Middle Aged Gapper' and with Wainwright in support I am confident that I will be able to stand out from the crowd more this time.

Well, I say Wainwright is in support but it is probably the other way around. He's even started going to gigs without me. If you were watching Soccer AM on Saturday you will have seen him posing on the table in front of the presenters and guests. And he never said a word to me!

My training for the show is varied. It involves watching and taking part in as many general knowledge quizzes as possible and trying to plug the huge and obvious gaps in my knowledge. For example learning all the kings and queens of England since 1066, British Prime Ministers and a crash course on contemporary music over the past 10 years. You can ask me anything you want about Beyonce Knowles or 50 Cent.

The other part of my training is playing the game itself. I still have a 2001 video game that is a very good representation of the show. I even feel nervous playing it. I've never got into the final two yet though.

Christmas is a slow time for news and it the same for Middle Aged Gappers. With no trips recently I have had little to report. But that is all set to change. My insurers have paid up for my cancelled trip to Vietnam which provides funding for another major expedition in 2010. The favoured plan at the minute is to buy a 1 month European rail pass and visit as many places as I can sometime after the World Cup has ended in July.

Five weeks from now I should be in Sydney. All the accommodation and transport for both Australia and New Zealand is now booked and what remains are the delicious choices about what to do whilst there. High on my 'to do' list is swimming with dolphins and both Australia and New Zealand afford opportunities to do this.

I am spending 3 days in Adelaide where it is possible to take an early morning boat trip (more sickness pills required) and swim with the wild dolphins. This involves swimming in the open sea, which is not something I am really keen on generally. Even in the calm waters of the Mediterranean I keep close to shore and swim in constant fear of being bitten, stung or eaten. In Australia the problem becomes much worse as there appear to be an unlimited number of ways to die while taking a dip, including one of the most venomous creatures on the planet - the box jelly fish.

My fears are not allayed by the following piece of information on the website of the company that runs the dolphin tours:

Please note that at the end of our swimmers lines we use Shark Shields™. These are electronic shark deterrents that creates a unique protective electrical field around the swimmers.

So let's just look at what that means for a moment. Swimming with dolphins involves being trailed on a rope behind a boat in shark infested waters. But not to worry, because you're clinging for your life to a piece of electric cable that will 'deter' the playful little blighters and maybe persuade them not to take huge chunks out of you. Now I don't know about you, but the words 'Bugger that!' are what fill my mind when considering that supposedly reassuring piece of information. I love dolphins but I don't want them to be the last thing I ever see. On the bright side, getting my body back to the UK won't be too difficult. They can just put the bits that are left in a jiffy bag and post me back to the kids.

Finally, my sons and I went to see the first of the Christmas blockbusters at the cinema yesterday. The film was Avatar and it was in 3D. I was expecting to be given some of those red and green cardboard specs as I went in but instead I received what appeared to be a cheap pair of sunglasses for my 80 pence.

The result was astounding. In it's own right the film is an amazing combination of live action and CGI that breaks new ground and would be brilliant in 2D. But in 3D the colours are so vibrant and images appear to dance before your eyes. Even the adverts looked good. It was the most jaw dropping cinematic experience I have had since the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

Beware though, it's about 3 hours long. Don't do what I did and drink a bucket of diet coke or you will miss some of the film. And take those glasses off before you go to the loo. Turns out I was 10 feet further away from the urinal than I thought.

Live long and prosper.