The Opera's not over.....

Well at last it's finished. The turkey I mean. My dog, Tessa, had the last pickings for breakfast.

I hope that Christmas was everything you wanted it to be. I certainly enjoyed it. It was great to have all three of my children around me. A rare treat.

The Airfix Spitfire I got from my sons is coming along slowly. I have only got as far as building a bit of the engine and my efforts consist of 10% of my time gluing, 10% painting and 80% trying to find the bloody parts. There are 185 of them and if they are in some logical order on their little plastic spruces then I have yet to work out what it is.

As write it is New Year's Eve and 2010 is almost upon us. I am hugely excited. Not about the new year as such, but about what it might bring. Naturally, my thoughts have turned to Australia, which is just over 3 weeks away.

I am excited about travelling to a whole new continent and about venturing further than I have before in my life. Being away for 5 weeks is also a first, although I will worry about my kids and my dog. But what is exciting me most is the thought of all the fabulous things I can do 'down under'.

When I left work my gracious friends and colleagues bought me the Lonely Planet Guide to New Zealand and also gave me a generous token to be used at Waterstones. I used part of the token to buy the similar guide to Australia.

Travel guides are odd books because unless you travel the length and breadth of a country you don't bother to read all the pages. But what you do read is invaluable. With these 2 books I have been able to plan the travel and accommodation for both countries. So well done to my kind and generous friends for such a great gift.

Well done also to the Youth Hostel Association.

Tucked up in bed last night I read about what there is to do in Sydney, the first stop on my tour. I realised then just how well situated the youth hostel I am staying at is. All the things I want to see are within walking distance and it is right next to the central station, which is great as there is a train link from the airport and that is my point of departure on the India-Pacific Railway. And it only costs about £18 a night for bed and breakfast. That's fantastic.

Based on my reading I have picked my top 3 tourist attractions in Sydney. The first is the Chinese Garden of Friendship. Described as 'an oasis of tranquillity in the otherwise hectic Darling Harbour' it is a kangaroo's jump from the hostel. Second is the Opera House. I have booked to see a play on my second evening. The play is a period piece called Optimism. It doesn't sound that great but hey, IT'S IN THE FREAKIN SYDNEY OPERA HOUSE! I'll just be so awed to be there I won't care if it's freakish clowns juggling on unicycles waiting for Godot, it'll be great.

I've saved the best for my last full day, which just happens to be the 26th January - Australia Day. The day that celebrates the arrival of the first settlers (aka convicts) in 1788. On this auspicious day I am taking the 3 hour walk up and over the Sydney Harbour Bridge. And if I survive that I'll have time for a few cold ones in the harbour before I head back to the Opera House for the guided tour. I might even squeeze in the harbour cruise.

So that's Sydney sorted. Bed time reading tonight will be Adelaide. I'm still not sure what to do about that swimming with dolphins (and bloody great sharks) trip.

Best wishes for 2010.

Live long and prosper.

The Ghost of Christmas Past

Youngest son and I were up before dawn today in an effort to avoid the crowds in Marks and Spencer and Tesco. Our foraging was successful and there are just a couple of things on my to do list before I pour a Crabbies ginger beer with ice and lemon and brace myself for crimbo.

Generally I am a grumpy when it comes to Christmas and would fit in nicely on one of those Grumpy Old Men shows. Why do we feel compelled to waste so much money on cards? For me that is just a pointless exercise that only serves to tell you just how high the sender rates you. The crapper the card, the less they think of you. And now it's even more complex. No longer can you just bung stamps on your cards and chuck them in the nearest post box. This year I had to queue at my local post office to have all my cards tested for width, breadth and depth to see if they were in fact a 'large letter'! For goodness sake, if cards are so bloody important why not just buy a box and stick them up somewhere, saving time and effort and cutting out the middle man. Use the same ones over and over. That's before we even start on decorations, too much food, too much booze, the search for presents. Arrgghh!

As a single parent I have always found the whole thing to be a stressful nightmare. I'm a man and men are just pants at Christmas. We're only good for putting up too many lights, carving the turkey and sorting out the booze. All of which we do badly. In my experience it is always women who make Christmas special.

In recent years crimbo for me has been about having a week or two off work at a time when my last summer holiday is a distant memory and the next one is many months away. Of course all of that has changed this year. Every day is Christmas if I want it to be.

I think the hardest part of Christmas is trying to capture the elusive spirit of Christmas past. That indefinable something that once made the event magical. And the only way I can see to do this is to become a child again.

That's why I have persuaded my two sons to buy me something totally nerdy this Christmas. Something that would have thrilled the 12 year old me. A 1:24 scale Airfix Spitfire. I hope they got the one that comes complete with the small motor to make the prop spin. I can't wait to open the box and look longingly at all those parts that will transform in my brilliant model. I'll go straight for the wings so I can get an idea of just how big the finished plane is going to be. Ooo, the excitement.

I suspect I am not the only man of my age to have asked for one of yesteryear's toys for Christmas. The wonderful series of TV programmes by James May have evoked so much nostalgia and enabled a whole generation of men to come out of the closet and get in touch with their adolescent selves. I can't wait for his final programme on train sets.

I am so looking forward to spreading out my aircraft parts all over the dining table on Boxing Day and to getting lost once more in the comforting and slightly nauseating fug of polystyrene cement. All I need to make my Christmas complete is a Hai Karate or Brut 33 gift set.

Live long and prosper and have a peaceful and fulfilling holiday.

In Training

I am officially in training - for The Weakest Link.

The letter arrived a few days ago from BCC Scotland to say that my audition had been successful and I am now on the shortlist. Having been shortlisted for the show about 5 years ago I know all too well that there is no guarantee of appearing. It is down to the producers now to create what they consider to be the best mix of people for the shows. Having put my occupation as 'Middle Aged Gapper' and with Wainwright in support I am confident that I will be able to stand out from the crowd more this time.

Well, I say Wainwright is in support but it is probably the other way around. He's even started going to gigs without me. If you were watching Soccer AM on Saturday you will have seen him posing on the table in front of the presenters and guests. And he never said a word to me!

My training for the show is varied. It involves watching and taking part in as many general knowledge quizzes as possible and trying to plug the huge and obvious gaps in my knowledge. For example learning all the kings and queens of England since 1066, British Prime Ministers and a crash course on contemporary music over the past 10 years. You can ask me anything you want about Beyonce Knowles or 50 Cent.

The other part of my training is playing the game itself. I still have a 2001 video game that is a very good representation of the show. I even feel nervous playing it. I've never got into the final two yet though.

Christmas is a slow time for news and it the same for Middle Aged Gappers. With no trips recently I have had little to report. But that is all set to change. My insurers have paid up for my cancelled trip to Vietnam which provides funding for another major expedition in 2010. The favoured plan at the minute is to buy a 1 month European rail pass and visit as many places as I can sometime after the World Cup has ended in July.

Five weeks from now I should be in Sydney. All the accommodation and transport for both Australia and New Zealand is now booked and what remains are the delicious choices about what to do whilst there. High on my 'to do' list is swimming with dolphins and both Australia and New Zealand afford opportunities to do this.

I am spending 3 days in Adelaide where it is possible to take an early morning boat trip (more sickness pills required) and swim with the wild dolphins. This involves swimming in the open sea, which is not something I am really keen on generally. Even in the calm waters of the Mediterranean I keep close to shore and swim in constant fear of being bitten, stung or eaten. In Australia the problem becomes much worse as there appear to be an unlimited number of ways to die while taking a dip, including one of the most venomous creatures on the planet - the box jelly fish.

My fears are not allayed by the following piece of information on the website of the company that runs the dolphin tours:

Please note that at the end of our swimmers lines we use Shark Shields™. These are electronic shark deterrents that creates a unique protective electrical field around the swimmers.

So let's just look at what that means for a moment. Swimming with dolphins involves being trailed on a rope behind a boat in shark infested waters. But not to worry, because you're clinging for your life to a piece of electric cable that will 'deter' the playful little blighters and maybe persuade them not to take huge chunks out of you. Now I don't know about you, but the words 'Bugger that!' are what fill my mind when considering that supposedly reassuring piece of information. I love dolphins but I don't want them to be the last thing I ever see. On the bright side, getting my body back to the UK won't be too difficult. They can just put the bits that are left in a jiffy bag and post me back to the kids.

Finally, my sons and I went to see the first of the Christmas blockbusters at the cinema yesterday. The film was Avatar and it was in 3D. I was expecting to be given some of those red and green cardboard specs as I went in but instead I received what appeared to be a cheap pair of sunglasses for my 80 pence.

The result was astounding. In it's own right the film is an amazing combination of live action and CGI that breaks new ground and would be brilliant in 2D. But in 3D the colours are so vibrant and images appear to dance before your eyes. Even the adverts looked good. It was the most jaw dropping cinematic experience I have had since the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

Beware though, it's about 3 hours long. Don't do what I did and drink a bucket of diet coke or you will miss some of the film. And take those glasses off before you go to the loo. Turns out I was 10 feet further away from the urinal than I thought.

Live long and prosper.

Weakest at the Knees Link

Back in August I reported on a challenge I had set Wainwright - to have his picture taken with a celebrity. Yesterday Wainwright came a step nearer to achieving his goal.

Last week I received a phone call from Ross, a researcher for The Weakest Link. Ross wanted to chat about the application to go on the show that I made in the summer. He then invited Wainwright and me to audition in Hull.

The audition was yesterday morning, but Wainwright had a few problems on his journey. We took the train and Wainwright got knocked about a bit in my rucksack. When we arrived in Hull Wainwright had suffered a recurrence of his old knee injuries and he was in two pieces. Both knees are so badly damaged that I'm thinking of calling him Bullard instead.

Luckily, WH Smith in the station sold superglue and after several attempts I was able to get Wainwright fit enough to audition.

There were nine of us at the audition, all men. It took two hours and I found it be both nerve-wracking and enjoyable.

There were two ladies, both young and attractive, in charge and during the course of the audition one of them took on the mantle of Anne Robinson. After introductions there was a twenty question general knowledge quiz for which 3 minutes were allowed.

Then the fun began as we all stood up to play a round of the game itself. I did get one question wrong but managed to escape the attention of the others and nobody voted for me as the Weakest Link.

During all of this Wainwright stood silently at my feet. He became far more involved in the last part of the audition. This was a piece to camera where the Anne Robinson stand-in asked a series of vicious questions and made remarks about me, testing my response. The purpose of this exercise is to allow the producers of the show to see how potential contestants look in front of the camera. I was asked to hold Wainwright up for the camera to see him throughout this part.

I managed to laugh off most of what was said to me even though 'Anne' resorted to comments about my age, my hairline, my figure and my clothes. Surely the real Anne would not bother with such cheap tricks?

That was it. If Wainwright and I were successful then there will be a letter in the next couple of weeks from the BBC. Then it is a case of waiting to see if we can be 'jig-sawed' into the show.

Although he remained silent throughout, it was clear that Wainwright was the main attraction for the researchers and if we get on the show it will be because of him, not me.

I do hope the audition has been successful and if we are invited to the show then it will be yet another exciting event in a pretty amazing year. I do worry though that under pressure it might not only be Wainwright that goes weak at the knees and falls to pieces. I hope the BBC keep lots of superglue.

Live long and prosper.

You are what you read

Help! I think I'm an addict.

I just can't stop buying books. Worse than that, I can't let go of them once I have them. I'm in the midst of a big sort out at home so I have managed to get rid of some books, if only to make room for new ones. Some of the books I've parted with I've never read. I sometimes wonder if I should have all the books I order online delivered directly to a charity shop and cut out the middle man.

The above photo depicts the books I have bought in the last 10 days. 'You are what you eat' goes the saying, but it could equally say 'You are what you read.' So what do my purchases say about me?

Let's start with Tea Time for the Traditionally Built by Alexander McCall Smith. This was an impulse buy. I've read the other 9 books in the Number One Ladies' Detective Agency series and I loved them all. This one came out earlier this year but somehow got under my radar. What better way to spend a cold winter evening than to lose yourself in the warmth of Africa and McCall Smith's brilliant writing?

What would make it better though is some nice winter food. And what is more inviting at this time of year than a lovely bowl of soup and fresh bread? Hence the two cook books.

The Covent Garden Food Co. Not only make fantastic soups but kindly share their recipes through a number of books. I've had this book just over a week and already made 4 soups. Last night it was Goulash soup. I might have been a bit heavy handed with the cayenne pepper, but what a tasty soup.

As the days are at their shortest there is something really comforting about spending the afternoon in the kitchen creating mouth watering aromas whilst baking batches of cakes and pastries. My mum used to do this every week but the ready made versions are so available now and inexpensive that I have never got into the habit. Until now. Low fat blueberry muffins are on my list to be made today. Mmm.

I don't suppose the Step-by-Step Guide to Bait and Rigs is everyone's idea of bedtime reading but I thoroughly enjoyed browsing through this well illustrated and informative book whilst tucked up in bed a few nights ago. There's more to fishing than just sticking a worm on a hook. With this book as my guide it is only a matter of time before I land that whopper. I do seem to be having some trouble though forcing myself away from my cosy kitchen to stand for hours overlooking the North Sea or the River Humber whilst freezing off important bits of me. I think a flask of hot soup and a box of muffins might be need to be packed alongside the lugworm and squid.

The final book, The Man on Seat 61, by Mark Smith, is a hint of how I may end my gap year this summer. It is a guide to travelling around Europe by train.

One item on my list of objectives for my gap year is to visit 10 countries I haven't been to before. Having cancelled my trip to Hong Kong and Vietnam I find myself 2 countries short of my target. It is possible to buy a month's rail pass for Europe and having looked at the countries where it is valid I counted 19 that I have never been to. Tempting.

This is another book to be dipped into and not read cover to cover. It explains about obtaining tickets and timetables but most usefully it provides a guide to train travel in 35 countries and even beyond on the Trans-Siberian Railway. It is laden with web addresses to help the would be traveller. I think I'll need a month just to plan my journey.

Talking of planning. My friend Pete and I have finally managed to create an itinerary for getting around New Zealand. In the end we have steered clear of the most obvious choices of hiring a camper van or hiring a car. We envisaged that in order to see all the things we want to see we would spend most of our time driving with these options. We have cunningly opted for a combination of planes, trains and automobiles instead.

Finally, Wainwright and I have received a very exciting invitation which may enable us to tick off a major objective on my list. I'll tell you all about it next time.

Live long and prosper.