Choices

The Tao does nothing, but leaves nothing undone.

Lao Tzu

When I studied A level Economics at school I was introduced to the law of diminishing marginal returns, which basically says that the more you get of something, the less of it you want. My teacher described a situation where you eat a bar of chocolate. Nice. Then you have another. Still nice. And another, and so on. Each bar is less satisfying than the last and eventually you become sick of the sight of bloody chocolate! I grasped the concept, although the idea of being able to eat endless chocolate seemed great to me and I couldn't imagine reaching a point where I
didn't want more.

When I first went to the Madhyamaka Buddhist centre 4 years ago it was a magical, life changing experience. Here was somewhere I belonged. This weekend I stayed there for the 6th time and the law of diminising marginal returns was certainly in evidence. The place is still peaceful and beautiful, the food is good and the people who run it exceptional. I had a very relaxing weekend, but somehow there wasn't quite as much magic. Or maybe 4 years on I have learned more than I think and the teachings are not as profound as they once were.

Saturday was a beautiful day. Perfect weather for early May. There were 3 teachings and meditations arranged during the day. I went to the first but instead of going to the second I wandered off to enjoy the peace and solitude of the grounds.

I had overheard someone say that there was a rather special bird nesting in the nearby woods, so I headed in that direction and was drawn to the walled garden. Suddenly, a majestic shadow appeared on the grass before me. I looked up and there, directly overhead, with outstretched wings and distinctive forked tail was a Red Kite. Wow!

I stayed in the walled garden for a while, sitting on a bench and just 'being'.

A tiny bit of me felt rebellious, like I was playing truant. As far as I could tell, no one else had skipped class.

One of the best things I have discovered as I have aged is the power of choices. The ability to realise that life usually presents us with a number of options and although difficult, picking an option that is not obvious can be delicious. All too often, it seems to me, the options are obscured by rules and fears. These may be well founded and be there to protect us, but I believe there is much joy to be had from choosing the less obvious path, as long as we have conducted a reasonable risk assessment and are willing to accept the consequences.

Choosing to do something or not to do it is straightforward. But how about our emotions, can we choose those? Take anger for example. Can we simply choose not to be angry or is it something beyond our control? The answer, and this is what I believe is the heart of Buddhism, is yes, we can control our anger. It is simply the product of our unruly mind. Control the mind and you control the anger. Easy?

Let me give an example. Last Autumn I noticed that Hull Truck (a professional theatre company) were hosting a writers' group to help people who wanted to write plays. According to the website the course would start on 5th March 2009. Watch this space for further news. Fantastic, I thought. My talents will be discovered at last and I will soon be a famous playwrite.

But as the new year came, the website never altered and invitations were not invited. I emailed Hull Truck. No reply. At the end of February I phoned Hull Truck. They took my number and promised to get back to me. Nothing. I phoned again. Still nothing.

In March Hull Truck moved premises and launched a new website. I found the relevant section, which informed me that the writer's group was now underway. Watch this space for future courses! How did that happen? I did everything I could to contact Hull Truck but somehow I missed the boat. I was angry at Hull Truck's lack of response to my inquiries. My talent remains undiscovered and my life is ruined!

Then I began to look at the situation differently. I am only 2 months away from my retirement and it has to be said I am already in a relaxed frame of mind. I have some writing to do for my university course to be handed in in 2 weeks and I haven't started it yet. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Choices again. But the point is, had I secured a place on the playwrite course I would have placed myself under huge pressure at a time when it is least welcome. I wouldn't have produced my best work and I would have been very unhappy. What a huge blessing not to be on the course. My anger has gone.

Well, it's a bank holiday. It doesn't look too bad out there, but not as nice as it has been. Shall I make a start on that university work, or shall I take a walk to Bevereley Race Course for a bit of a flutter on this afternoon's racing? Choices.

Live long and prosper.