Das Glockenspiel
Another good knight out
Seems like a nice boyThe trip to Munich began at Terminal 5 at Heathrow. Given all the adverse publicity when it opened last year this caused me some concerns but they were groundless. Although very soulless, the airport is an extremely modern building. All glass and chrome. It is dominated by British Airways and their check in took about a minute. All very impressive.
Emerging from baggage claim at Munich I was greeted with a bear hug from my eldest son, Chris. Airport arrivals are a great places for reunions, but whilst I have seen lots of them this was the first time I can recall being a recipient. It was a nice start to a fantastic weekend.
One of my favourite words in the rich lexicon of the English language is Serendipity - making fortunate discoveries by accident. Our first 24 hours in Munich were very serendipitous and shaped our stay.
Having found our hotel, Chris and I set off for food followed by the search for an atmospheric bar. Wandering through the clean streets with no real idea of where we were headed we found the perfect place - the Hofbrauhaus, the best known beer hall in Munich.
This was everything I expected of Bavaria. Men in lederhosen wearing felt hats, a 6 piece oompah band, ladies in tight fitting bodices and flowing dresses holding large pretzels aloft and, of course, gallons of amazing beer.
'Svei beer bitte' brought to us huge one litre glasses of foaming beer. The place was packed and there was an air of jollity and good humour that I have only found in Dublin before. Maybe it was all a bit touristy, but there were certainly a lot of Germans enjoying themselves - dancing to the band and singing drinking songs.
Next morning we gravitated towards the centre again, at Marienplatz, home of one of the world's most disappointing tourist attractions. The square is dominated by the gothic looking Neues Rathaus, or new town hall. Built in 1908 the structure houses a famous glockenspiel, which whirrs into motion 3 times a day.
As the appointed hour of 11 O'clock drew near there were hundreds of people gathered to witness the glockenspiel show. Dozens of people held cameras aloft, desperate to record every part of this fascinating event for posterity.
The minute hand reached twelve and the crowd strained with excitement. Then it moved to one minute past, two minutes past......nothing.
I know what you are thinking - 'Hang on. This is Germany, a land famed for reliability and precision'.
True. But not everything works like clockwork, not even clocks. The glockenspiel relies upon Wolfgang to set it in motion and Wolfgang is not the most precise on men. Some days, presumably after a heavy session in the Hofbrauhaus, he doesn't show up at all!
At 11.05 the mechanical chimes finally struck into action. What a bloody racket. I defy anyone to stand in that square and tell me what the tune is. There just isn't one, only the clanging of lots of out of tune chimes. Throwing the contents of your cutlery draw down the stairs would be more tuneful.
One by one the lofted cameras drooped down. Then, 6 minutes in something happens. The crowd give a collective 'Ooo' as a medieval pageant springs into life, complete with jousting knights representing Bavaria and France. Eventually the French knight falls back and the movement shifts to some celebratory dancers doing a sort of Gay Gordon affair, with the emphasis very much on the gay part.
The grand finale is a golden owl who pops out and spreads his wings. Fascinating.
This is truly the worst tourist attraction I have ever seen. There is lots of footage of it on You Tube. But beware, it lasts an excruciating 15 minutes.
Chris and I never saw the end as we had become embroiled in our second serendipitous event - discovering a free walking tour of the city.
The tour took well over three hours and was well presented by the excellent Sonja - a mature student from Florida who is studying for her masters in comparative literature at Munich University. Together we criss-crossed the city, seeing all the major sights and learning about Munich's history.
Sonja even introduced us to the best of the local beers - the Augustiener, which we drank in a quiet bar at the end of the tour.
The tours are operated by a European company and the free tour was one of several they operated, although the others are not free. One of these is a beer tour - a beer hall crawl round Munich that includes some 'free' beer and jaegermeisters (a weird, alcoholic beverage that tastes like cough medicine). It began at the central station, not far from our hotel at 6pm. Unbeknown to me, Chris arranged to meet some of those from the free tour on the beer tour.
Thus it was that I came to be standing at the railway station with a host of people much younger than me and wondering what I had let myself in for.
I needn't have worried. It was a wonderful, drunken evening where I got to meet so many friendly and interesting people from all round the world - the delightful Claire from Melbourne, Annabelle from Brazil, Varun from Auckland, Cam from Vancouver and others from Russia, Scotland and Canada.
Most of these guys were travelling around Europe and were at various points in their journeys. Varun even had business cards announcing him as a 'roving ambassador'. These enchanting young people were such a contrast to the silver surfers I encountered in Buttermere the week before.
At one beer hall, Cam returned from the loo laughing at the fact that there was a machine in there that dispensed something called the 'Travel Pussy'. Intrigued, I coughed up half of the 4 euro cost and Cam shot back to the Gents excitedly. He returned with one of those little plastic eggs that usually contain novelties at fairgrounds and the seaside. The contents of this egg were very novel indeed.
Cam broke open the egg to reveal a red plastic bag, a sachet of lubricant and some instructions. The bag turned out to be an imitation vagina, which Cam duly inflated only to find that there was no way to deflate it. Our new girlfriend accompanied us on the rest of the tour until eventually she split on us late on. To be fair, I don't think she was the faithful type and it would never have lasted.
At our last hostelry I did something I have never done before - Karaoke! In the circumstances I thought I did a passable version of Coldplay's 'The Scientist', especially the 'Aaaa Ooooo Oooo' bit towards the end, and was joined on stage by my son. Ok, Simon Cowell wouldn't have been impressed, but I was sufficiently emboldened to follow this up later with my Elvis impression - 'The Wonder of You'. Yes, I was drunk.
I had just the best night out, but by the time it got to midnight I knew that I had peaked. After much handshaking and hugs I took my leave of Chris and the other youngsters. They made me smile with their endorsement of what a cool Dad I was.
Leaving my new best friends forever I made may way to the door and encountered two problems. One, I hadn't been paying attention to where we were going, so I wasn't quite sure where we were or where our hotel was. Two, there were two of everything. I picked one of the two paths to my right and staggered off into the night.
Next morning I was headache free, which was a huge but pleasant surprise and a testament to the purity of the Bavarian beer. But best of all, I had enjoyed a brilliant time with yet more lovely people. And that, as I know by now, is what travel is really all about.
This is truly the worst tourist attraction I have ever seen. There is lots of footage of it on You Tube. But beware, it lasts an excruciating 15 minutes.
Chris and I never saw the end as we had become embroiled in our second serendipitous event - discovering a free walking tour of the city.
The tour took well over three hours and was well presented by the excellent Sonja - a mature student from Florida who is studying for her masters in comparative literature at Munich University. Together we criss-crossed the city, seeing all the major sights and learning about Munich's history.
Sonja even introduced us to the best of the local beers - the Augustiener, which we drank in a quiet bar at the end of the tour.
The tours are operated by a European company and the free tour was one of several they operated, although the others are not free. One of these is a beer tour - a beer hall crawl round Munich that includes some 'free' beer and jaegermeisters (a weird, alcoholic beverage that tastes like cough medicine). It began at the central station, not far from our hotel at 6pm. Unbeknown to me, Chris arranged to meet some of those from the free tour on the beer tour.
Thus it was that I came to be standing at the railway station with a host of people much younger than me and wondering what I had let myself in for.
I needn't have worried. It was a wonderful, drunken evening where I got to meet so many friendly and interesting people from all round the world - the delightful Claire from Melbourne, Annabelle from Brazil, Varun from Auckland, Cam from Vancouver and others from Russia, Scotland and Canada.
Most of these guys were travelling around Europe and were at various points in their journeys. Varun even had business cards announcing him as a 'roving ambassador'. These enchanting young people were such a contrast to the silver surfers I encountered in Buttermere the week before.
At one beer hall, Cam returned from the loo laughing at the fact that there was a machine in there that dispensed something called the 'Travel Pussy'. Intrigued, I coughed up half of the 4 euro cost and Cam shot back to the Gents excitedly. He returned with one of those little plastic eggs that usually contain novelties at fairgrounds and the seaside. The contents of this egg were very novel indeed.
Cam broke open the egg to reveal a red plastic bag, a sachet of lubricant and some instructions. The bag turned out to be an imitation vagina, which Cam duly inflated only to find that there was no way to deflate it. Our new girlfriend accompanied us on the rest of the tour until eventually she split on us late on. To be fair, I don't think she was the faithful type and it would never have lasted.
At our last hostelry I did something I have never done before - Karaoke! In the circumstances I thought I did a passable version of Coldplay's 'The Scientist', especially the 'Aaaa Ooooo Oooo' bit towards the end, and was joined on stage by my son. Ok, Simon Cowell wouldn't have been impressed, but I was sufficiently emboldened to follow this up later with my Elvis impression - 'The Wonder of You'. Yes, I was drunk.
I had just the best night out, but by the time it got to midnight I knew that I had peaked. After much handshaking and hugs I took my leave of Chris and the other youngsters. They made me smile with their endorsement of what a cool Dad I was.
Leaving my new best friends forever I made may way to the door and encountered two problems. One, I hadn't been paying attention to where we were going, so I wasn't quite sure where we were or where our hotel was. Two, there were two of everything. I picked one of the two paths to my right and staggered off into the night.
Next morning I was headache free, which was a huge but pleasant surprise and a testament to the purity of the Bavarian beer. But best of all, I had enjoyed a brilliant time with yet more lovely people. And that, as I know by now, is what travel is really all about.
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